A Few Thoughts / God Is On The Scene

Note from Richard (collaborator with Alex): I have posted my second Folk-Rock sung version of my rewrite of Alex's lyrics. I also posted a very rough Hip-Hop spoken version of Alex's original lyrics. See the first comment below for my modified lyrics. We would appreciate your honest comments about our efforts. Anyone is welcome to join in the fun of collaboration. That's what this site is all about.

A Few Thoughts
(Original lyrics by Alex John)

1st Verse:

The light can make the dark go away
The same way as the night turns into day
I had to fight before I knew I should pray
So as I write it's like reflecting why I didn't stay in that cage
I know a good book to read that every page has grace...
I lived in fear
But I'm not going to give the darkness any more of my tears
I'm not Nostradamus but I look forward to the upcoming years...
I have been down and out in the past
I've looked in a mirror and seen a frown that would last...
Until I got to know faith
And went toe to toe with my hate
And wiped that grub off my plate
Give your loved ones a hug because it's never to late...
I haven't given in
Because I keep trying my best to rid myself of sin.
 
HOOK:
The last time I felt neglected
I poured out my heart fast and it wasn't rejected...
Because it was to The lord
I chose to play this game of life with faith as my board.
 
2nd Verse:
A thing most of us have in common is a yearn for the light
The day I gave my girlfriend an engagement ring made me feel I reached new heights...
Because I was committed to a good woman and now the lord 
I admit-it I was scared at first but I decided to put down that inner sword...
When you find a balance
It's time to break bad habits 
Now more time to manage...
The spiritual life and the mortal one
As these lyrical re-writes happen I'm having more fun...
I can feel GOD working behind the scenes of life
He shines and it beams down on us oh so bright...
Love can save you
I stopped the push and shove attitude and learned not to be hateful...
The roses may have thorns
Moses didn't stay away from storms
I suppose anything worth having comes in different forms.
 

God Is on the Scene
(rewrite by Richard Schletty of Alex John lyrics)

My life was running empty, I was riddled with heartache
In the mirror I saw a frown that I could never shake
I lived my life in fear with a fist full of rage
But I can tell you now how I left that awful cage

No more tears to shed for all those years of disgrace
I found a real Good Book with every page full of grace
The truth and light o' God can make the dark go away
Like the burning sun that turns the night into day 

[bridge 1]
I'm no Nostradamus
But I start to see the promise
When I feel neglected
I know I'm not rejected
Because I got my Lord
He's my sounding board
He's not giving in
We'll rid myself of sin

I don't need to hiss and moan, I don't need to wrangle
Now I'll settle down to pray so I can untangle
No more toe-to-toe with all that hateful stuff
Now I'm givin' bear hugs to the ones I love

I met a real good person after bending toward the light
Gave her an engagement ring and felt I'd reached new heights
Now I am committed to this woman and my Lord 
Now I have no need to bleed by twisting inner swords

[bridge 2]
Love can save you, too
If you lose the attitude
Moses weathered storms
And roses have thorns
Instead of being hateful
Try to be grateful
God is on the scene
Shining bright beams

I've broken my bad habits, I finally found a balance
Between my wants and needs, between the cans and can'ts
Between my spirit life and my mortal one 
The lyrics keep on flowing as I'm really having fun!
 

AttachmentSize
God Is on the Scene-v3.mp35.51 MB
A Few Thoughts - God Hop.mp31.59 MB

Comments

My take on your lyrics: God Is on the Scene

Alex, I decided to do a rewrite of your lyrics to snap it all into a regular meter and rhyme. Check it out. No problem if you'd rather not have me rearrange your words. But I do want to show you the possibilities with using a "near-Nashville" formula approach to songwriting. I say near-Nashville because this rendition is my own self-styled flavor of Folk-Rock – I'm not following all the "rules," including the way I sing in my baritone register. This is a story that does not jump around as much as your original lyrics. Pay attention to the flow. I typically do not write and rewrite just once or twice. I rewrite a dozen times or more until the words are right and it all flows from the lips in a natural way with proper stressed and unstressed syllables. That's what they call prosody – marrying the lyrics to the music.

Note that I also added a Hip-Hop reading of your original lyrics, Alex.

My audio files are inserted above into your original post. 

God Is on the Scene
(rewrite by Richard Schletty of Alexander John lyrics)

My life was running empty, I was riddled with heartache
In the mirror I saw a frown that I could never shake
I lived my life in fear with a fist full of rage
But I can tell you now how I left that awful cage

No more tears to shed for all those years of disgrace
I found a real Good Book with every page full of grace
The truth and light o' God can make the dark go away
Like the burning sun that turns the night into day 

[bridge 1]
I'm no Nostradamus
But I start to see the promise
When I feel neglected
I know I'm not rejected
Because I got my Lord
He's my sounding board
He's not giving in
We'll rid myself of sin

I don't need to hiss and moan, I don't need to wrangle
Now I'll settle down to pray so I can untangle
No more toe-to-toe with all that hateful stuff
Now I'm givin' bear hugs to the ones I love
 
I met a real good person after bending toward the light
Gave her an engagement ring and felt I'd reached new heights
Now I am committed to this woman and my Lord 
Now I have no need to bleed by twisting inner swords

[bridge 2]
Love can save you, too
If you lose the attitude
Moses weathered storms
And roses have thorns
Instead of being hateful
Try to be grateful
God is on the scene
Shining bright beams

I've broken my bad habits, I finally found a balance
Between my wants and needs, between the cans and can'ts
Between my spirit life and my mortal one 
The lyrics keep on flowing as I'm really having fun!

Richard Schletty | Schletty Design and Music | www.schletty.com

I like it.

Hi Richard,
                    What you have done here by editing and re-constructing has worked well! As I'm so used to writing hip hop my song formations do jump around a lot and that's mainly because if you listen to rap it tends to jump all over the place unless it's a story telling track. But you have done good here and I very much enjoyed it. 

Kind Regards,

Alex.

I can also rap your lyrics the way you wrote them

Alex, I can also rap your lyrics the way you wrote them, as an option. Just wanted to stretch and try something a little different. The rough demo needs work – I sing flat on some of the high notes. Thanks for being flexible in our collaboration. Having fun!

Richard Schletty | Schletty Design and Music | www.schletty.com

A wonderful composition and

A wonderful composition and performance. The voice, lyrics and music work beautifully together.

Thanks, Albin

Thanks, Albin, for listening and commenting. Glad you like it. Needs more work but maybe it's headed in the right direction. I'll also do a hip hop version. 

Richard Schletty | Schletty Design and Music | www.schletty.com

Hi Richard

Hey Richard, hope you are well. Just wondering if you like the two latest song lyrics I posted and if you would be interested in voicing them? I am going to explore different ways of lyric/poem/song structure for my next song I think. All the best. Alex.

Voicing your lyrics

Alex, I'll be happy to voice your last two submissions. I do think your idea of trying out different structure, rhyming and symmetry in lyrics is good. I fully encourage that so you can expand your songwriting skills and genres. As always, I am willing to critique lyrics in a positive, constructive way. I gave you a sample of an optional song format/approach with "God Is on the Scene." I really like how that turned out. A couple fellow members of MAS (Minnesota Association of Songwriters) dig it. Visit http://www.mnsongwriters.org. 

Richard Schletty | Schletty Design and Music | www.schletty.com

Soon

Alex, I'll be doing the voicings soon. Peace, Richard.

Richard Schletty | Schletty Design and Music | www.schletty.com

No worries.

No worries Richard, I look forward to hearing them. Hope you have been well. Alex.